IN_MEMORIAM
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Remind Me To Live A Life That Matters
This eulogy is a consolidation of email messages from Beta Sigmans all over the world, put together and conveyed by Brod Victor O. Ramos during the final rites for Brod Rigoberto “Tito” de Santos UPD63 on July 29, 9pm at the Christ the King Church, Green Meadows, Quezon City, PHILIPPINES.
News of his untimely death hit Beta Sigmans like a tsunami The news about the untimely death of Brod Tito hit the Betan world like a tsunami. I have never seen an outburst of spontaneous reactions from brods like this one. Not even when our guru, who wrote our Credo, Pros Crescini died. My email was clogged with their shocked reactions and messages. For this reason I have consolidated these messages to form the core of this eulogy. The first brods to learn about his death were Brods Pong Lustre and Rolly Reyes. Apparently they called up to confirm their appointments to go out but were met with the incredulous news about his sudden death. They immediately called up and texted the brods here and abroad. The presidents of our chapters in the US – Norman Bituin, Boy Ramos, Sonny Pagador and Jinggoy Solon -- conveyed the news to their members. That’s how the news spread like wild fire. Even non-Betans managed to get into my email. A first cousin of Tito, Cielo, sent a recent photo of Tito. I will quote her letter, which reflects the qualities the brods also wrote about: “Tito is my first cousin and has always been very close to my father and mother. I always teased him as my most gwapong pinsan. He is also the godson of my late father. I will personally miss him. He is the most thoughtful, loving and caring pinsan one can ever have. My love and warmest hugs to Viching, Tanya and Noel.” Brod Anggie Angliongto, who hosted the most successful Medical Mission headed by Tito in Davao, conveyed the news that Councilor Peter La Vina sponsored a resolution expressing Davao City’s gratitude to Brod Tito for initiating the Medical Mission that “touched many lives in Davao”. As we are gathered here, Jinggoy Solon informed us that the brods in Eastern United States will likewise celebrate a mass in remembrance of Brod Tito tomorrow. It will be officiated by Brod Fr. Bing de la Cruz in NJ. Three themes run across all the messages from brods: first was their expression of shock and disbelief and their offers of prayer, second was their recollections of Brod Tito’s life as a true Betan and a thoughtful human being, third was about death and about Brod Tito’s premonitions that it was time to say goodbye. One of the first messages that I received came from Brod Brandy Ancheta and his wife Prescy: “Here in Cleveland, we join all of you in prayers for the repose of the soul of our dear friend and brother. We commend his soul to our dear Lord Jesus Christ so He can hand Tito to our Lord God, our Father that he grants him eternal rest. Tito was a very good man. He was a very good UP Beta Sigman. He was a very good Federation Beta Sigman. He was a very good Beta Sigman. He called me on a Saturday morning earlier this year about some Federation matter and he voiced out his opinion. I listened attentively. We disagreed on some matters, yet we remained Betans to the CORE. I will miss him so.” Brod Frank Mamaril sent a picture of Brod Tito proudly standing in front of a poster about the successful Medical Mission in Davao that was sponsored by the Southern California Chapter from money raised during Tito’s term as GP. Frank wrote: “I last spoke with brod Tito last Sunday July 16th from my hotel before I left for the airport to fly back to the States…still discussing the very successful medical mission that was just completed (almost 1800 patients served) and how we can enhance this project, plus various exciting future programs. One that he really was very excited about was the “book drive” that he just heard being sponsored by the World Bank.” After one successful mission, Brod Tito was thinking of another one to help our countrymen. He was always thinking of ways to reach out to the underprivileged in our country. From his batchmate Jopet Laraya: “It was truly a great shock reading about the demise of my batchmate Tito de Santos. After 37 years of not having seen him, I was glad of the chance to rub elbows with a great brod again during the 60th anniversary of our great fraternity. I will always treasure the few hours I had the chance to spend with him.” Gabby Moraleda, UPD68, also recalled the night of the Diamond Jubilee. “He gave me a great smile and a big hug; during the reaffirmation rites he was near me – little did I know it was going to be our last meeting.” He sent a picture, taken by his son, of Brod Tito holding a candle during the affirmation rites. Sluggo Rigor wrote: “Please tell Viching (and extend to her our love and prayers) I had a long talk and bonding with Tito on our trip to and from Pepot’s farm in Tagaytay only last week. We are still in shock. We will surely keep him in our prayers. We have plenty of photos on him in Tagaytay.” Bernie Bantigue wrote of the same sadness and asked for a prayer for Brod Tito, who convinced him to come to LA for a visit during the Sept ball of the SoCal chapter. Brod Gilbert Dulay, whom we have not heard from for a long time, surfaced to offer his condolences to Viching. “There is obviously no good time or way for someone whom you care about so much to die. I don’t know what to say. But I know the feeling, because I’ve experienced it when my eldest brother, dad & mom passed away not too long ago. I now know that there is beauty too in the honest confrontation of death and grief, and in our faith, like Christ – passing from death to life. Brod Tito is now reunited with his Creator.” Darius Munoz, who entered the frat a year later than Tito, wrote about their early days in Loyola heights. “Long before we even thought of becoming Frat men, we were good friends as neighbors in Loyola heights. Tito, Dolf Dela Rosa, Pete Roa, me and a few other Loyolans used to belong to Loyola Youth Organization. We had a basketball team, a combo group, a political team and most of all a drinking team! This was during those times that Katipunan Rd. was so empty that the Blue Eagle was the only place to drink if you have the money. Otherwise, we stay at home in my uncle’s (Congressman Kintanar) place or at Senator Dela Rosa’s and drink their more expensive bottled alcohol. That’s why he was always very protective of my sister, Lone and my cousin, Lorna when they were in UP. I will miss him much.” Ernie Tremor, UPLB58, who accompanied Tito in Davao, expressed shock and great loss. He sent pictures of him during the medical mission. Rod Reyes UPD71 offered prayers. Cosme Santiago ,UPD67B, writing from Seattle: “I could not believe when I read what was posted in malmon.net. I called Brod Sluggo immediately that early morning but he knew it already. He even shared the various emails from brods and sis Pepot from the Philippines. We were on the same table during the hospitality night at Toronto last year and had lots of kuwento. Just last April 22, at the house of Brod Chee in San Francisco, we exchanged a lot of jokes. He never showed any signs of suffering. My prayers for a dear brother who served well our beloved fraternity.”
He was a true Betan and thoughtful human being Indeed, Brod Tito was a true Betan and a very thoughtful human being. This was reflected in the following messages from brods. Wally Rodriguez, UPD63, recalled an alumni frat ball wherein Tito accosted Wally why he was not wearing the frat pin. Tito was his sponsor in the frat. Wally told him he lost it already. Immediately, “dumukot sya sa bulsa at kinabitan nya ko ng pin sa lapel ng coat ko in front of several brods!” He was, of course, proud of that moment. So much so that when Wally redesigned our alumni pin to reflect its historical truth, it was Brod Tito who ordered their reproduction to be distributed around. Wally also wrote: “I heard heaven is much more colorful nowadays ever since Banz, Ely, Clem, Ding, and Papu arrived. And now you… Our loss, God’s gain.” Sonny Pagador, who took over the leadership of Southern California chapter after Tito, wrote most engagingly about him as a frat man: “To me Tito de Santos is the ultimate picture of what a Beta Sigman should be and I am very proud to have been closely associated with him. His honor and integrity are unquestionable. He stood strongly for what is righteous. He displayed a high caliber of leadership and statesmanship. He was very respectable, competent, undiscriminatory and unselfish. He always did his best. His meetings were always orderly and effective. He was always on top of his projects and he put in a lot of time, commitment and personal resources to make sure that these were successfully accomplished. His vision was to institutionalize community service programs such as our medical missions, the Payatas project (providing sports supplies to poor elementary students), book donation project and our scholarship program. “The evening before he left for the Philippines, I had the chance to have dinner with him and Viching. He made certain that our projects for September were all set up. He personally spoke to and closed the deal with Brod Willie Nepomuceno for our Sept 1 Show to raise funds for our next medical mission. He also made his calls to brods to advertise in our souvenir program for our Sept 3 Frat Ball here in LA. “When he was in the Philippines, he used his own personal funds to pay for the enrolment of four scholars in UP, in the absence of funds in our coffers, which were used up for the Davao mission. “His energy for Beta Sigma was endless. He was Grand Princep, Council of Elders for the Federation, and Director for UP International. His dream was a strong and united Beta Sigma. “Brod Tito virtually put me in this position as GP. He initially appointed my brother Flor as his Vice GP two years ago and when Flor passed away he asked me to replace him. He then urged me to take responsibility as GP as the brods elected me. He told me then, “kaya mo yan Brod. Nandito pa rin naman ako”. He was always there to guide and help me. I couldn’t ignore his trust in me but the question remains, how can I ever fill the shoes of this great brod and leader? Brod Tito is my role model as what a father could be to his family. One can only envy his achievements for his children – Noel and Tanya. They are not only beautiful kids, they are very good kids and excellent in their endeavors. Tito was beaming with pride and happiness when I congratulated him about Noel’s success in law school but his humble response was, “Brod, it was Noel’s work, not mine”. Overall, our success in life is ultimately measured by the results of what we have done for our children. In this case, Brod Tito is a shining example. Farewell brod. We surely will miss you.” Unquote Sonny Pagador. Brod Pogs Gaspay, who is fighting a courageous battle against cancer, wrote: “Like you, I am shocked and sad at the news that our much-loved brod, Tito de Santos, passed away. I had just spent time with him celebrating the frat’s 60th anniversary in Manila. We had much fun observing the nude model painting activity held by the frat at the UP Executive House. Tito, as you know is a “Fine Arts grad. I also saw him at the July 14 frat ball at the Wack Wack Country Club, where he was in great spirits. I did miss him when the Makati brods held a well-attended despedida party for those brods who were going back to the US, Australia and Canada. I was told that Tito had to go to Baguio to attend to some family business. We never had an inkling that Tito was going to leave us so suddenly. “I first met Tito as a neophyte applying to the UP Beta Sigma. He was one of the “barkadang Tisoy” brods who made the hearts of girls on campus flutter. He was also part of the very creative and much fun Fine Arts group of brods. I don’t recall Tito as one of those brods that we, as neophytes, dreaded. He was probably more mature by then, unlike the younger brods who were bent on making our life as neophytes hell. Tito, being five batch years ahead of me, did not share as much campus life with my generation of brods then as his younger blood brother Mel did. But we often saw and talked to him as we used their home at Katipunan to do a lot of things – silkscreening of T-shirts and campus politics materials, planning of rumbles, and lots and lots of drinking. We enjoyed their home, drinking with Mel and even with their sister Kalen and another brother of theirs, and being spoiled by their mom. Tito was definitely the much cooler elder brod who would only share a few glasses of beer with us and laugh at our stories and escapades. I never saw him as drunk as Mel or the other brods. He definitely had moved on by then beyond the resident brods life of booze and rumbles. “It was after several years that I saw him again, this time in America. But he remembered me as one of those brods who frequented their home and warmed up fast to me. He became more active and emerged as one of the stalwart brods of the South Cal chapter, finally being its GP since 2004 and to last year. I remember him as one of those who was with the late Flor Pagador’s last hours. He, like so many brods, also regularly called and e-mailed me since learning of my cancer diagnosis. Even in Manila, during the 60th celebrations, he asked me how my health was and if I had fully recovered from my disease. He truly was a caring brod and it saddens me that I did not even sense anything was wrong with his health. I just took it for granted that he would be there for us – always. Now he is gone. “Tito’s passing reminds us once more of the fragility of life and its preciousness. Brods, we have lost a fraternity treasure, but I prefer to dwell on the gift of having known and spent time with him. We should cherish every day that we continue to breathe and celebrate our deep friendships, instead of being bothered by petty differences. Tito was one of those brods who looked on the positive side, all the time. This was how he led the UP Beta Sigma South Cal and how I will remember him always. Signed Pogs Gaspay,UPD68B. Brod Noli Nolasco remembered Tito not only as a good brother but a serious martial arts devotee. He wrote: “He was impressive as a core member with the UP Vanguard Rifle and Pistol Team in the 60s, a loyal and meticulous student of Master and Brod Johnny Chiuten, an artist in his own league, a devoted family man, and a die hard Betan. He visited me last February 2005 while we were on vacation in San Diego. He enjoyed watching me cook barbeque in the rain and with a flashlight. We exchanged cooking techniques as “house husbands” during that visit. I was touched and honored by his gift of a pair of Betan Shirt. But the most memorable part of his visit was when we discussed and exchanged martial arts techniques until late in the evening. This was just like “old times” as in the UP Beta Sigma Kungfu Karate Klan heydays. This feeling of kinship in the martial arts is beyond words between us.” Brods Vir Fabian, Pol Moral, Boi Wico, and Raffy Hidalgo wrote along the same vein.
Fine qualities as a human being Allow me to quote some stories from brods who recalled Brod Tito’s fine qualities as a human being. Brod Gilbert Basbas, UPD73, recalled the San Francisco Frat Ball in Los Ojos San Luis Obispo. “During the frat ball night, he and his wife gave us an orchid, saying “Brod Basbas, paki-alagaan mo nga ang orchid na ito at pag dumami at nagkaanak marami tayong bibigyan na brods!” This lovely rare orchid has multiplied now with lots of flowers. He knew I had a lung tumor/cancer at that time. I survived the lung tumor and I took care of the orchid, which now symbolized his brotherly love for me. Brod Benild Pires, UPD64, recalled that in 2004 on the wedding day of his daughter and his 60th birthday, Tito traced him in the hotel in Vancouver where the wedding ceremony was being held to greet him on his birthday. “I was pleasantly surprised and will never forget his phone call from Los Angeles. He was truly a great brod to me. The last time we saw each other was at the fraternity reunion in San Francisco in 2002, when, in response to an appeal from me, he made a generous donation to the Bayanihan Community Centre in Victoria. His name, along with some other brods, is on the Nipa Hut that we have at the centre that lists all donors. “Brod Tito, you followed to the letter the teaching of Christ when He said: Love your neighbor as you love yourself. I was a neighbor from India in UP and like all my brods, he embraced me when I joined the fraternity and continued to do so, I am sure, until his death”. Brod Anggie Angliongto, former National President of the Philippine Jaycees of which Brod Tito was an active member of the Capitol chapter, told the story of Brod Tito wanting to stay in his house instead of staying in the hotel like most of the brods from abroad. “On the day that he left our house, my wife Tessie discovered that the bed where he slept was neatly made up. On top of the pillow was a Thank You Card with the UP Beta Sigma logo and below was a bag containing a Betan t-shirt for me and two packs of coffee candies for Tessie. Here are the handwritten words: “My dear Brod Anggie and Tess, My Davao Experience was enhanced by Your Hospitality. A week I’ll never forget, specially, these last 2 days. Thank you for opening your hearts and home to me. Fraternally, Tito de Santos” In return Brod Anggie answered Tito in his email to the brods: “My dear Brod Tito, My shedding tears is just a mortal way of expressing my frustration and outburst that I shall miss your presence in the remaining years of my Life. But somewhere, somehow we shall meet again! You departed from this mortal world with God’s blessings. He saw your compassionate way of caring thru the Medical Mission. You have reached your Life’s Journey with full accountability as a mortal being. God loves you! The scripture has testified – the righteous pass away; the Godly often die before their time. One day we will all have a happy reunion in the heavenly Place. Farewell for now. Signed Fraternally Anggie Angliongto. From Beybs Gulfin, wife of Brod Mel who was just released from an immigration jail in New Jersey. “I haven’t met Tito yet but he has definitely made an indelible mark in our lives. While we were detained at the Elisabeth Detention center of the INS, Tito was one of those who took time to write and encourage our daughter Gem who at that time needed the fatherly concern and support that Tito gave her through his emails. He even commended Gem for taking care of our needs while we were in detention despite the fact that she’s married and has a family of her own. Without doubt, those gestures, the kind words of Tito, were one of the things that buoyed up her spirit during that critical time. When I received a copy of Tito’s emails which Gem sent me by mail, I could only thank God profusely for giving our daughter a family while we were away.” Johnny Regadio, UPLB 66, past GP of North Cal, remembered Brod Tito as one of only two brods who remembered his birthday last year. “I received a birthday greeting from him through email. I didn’t even expect this greeting from him. In fact, I even asked myself, “how did he know my birthday?” I kept teasing some brods in NorCal about it. “Mabuti pa si Brod Tito na nasa Southern California at naalala and birthday ko kaysa kayo.” “I believe Brod Tito has prepared himself to be worthy of God’s calling. His last mission in the Philippines to attend to the needs of the poor will attest to his apostolic works of sharing the love of Christ to the needy. This reminds me of a verse in the scripture that says, “whatever you have done to the least of my brothers, you also have done unto me.” Brod Tito has left us a legacy of agape love – loving the unlovable. He also unselfishly shared his love to his beloved fraternal brothers and sisters by serving the UP Beta Sigma Fraternity, an institution that is worth dying for, with all his mind, heart, soul, and strength. Let us join our hands together in lifting up his soul to the kingdoms of heaven through our prayers, and our songs of praise to God for giving us a wonderful and dedicated brother. May his soul rest in peace.” Signed Brod Johnny Regadio. Brod Art de Vera, who personally carried the medicine for the first Medical Mission in Cruz na Ligas in Diliman in July last year sponsored by South Cal chapter under the leadership of Brod Tito, wrote: “After a month, he called me to prepare for a bigger and larger Medical Mission in Davao coinciding with the fraternity’s 60th anniversary. I ordered about $10,000 worth of medicine and dental supplies. During the mission, I noticed Brod Tito with all smiles as he was going around and saw that his vision of the Medical Mission was a big success. I am writing all this because I want everybody to know Brod Tito’s humanitarian, love and compassion for our needy kababayans.”
Premonitions of death But those of us who observed Brod Tito during the weeklong celebration of our Diamond Jubilee could not but notice how high spirited and engaging he had been. He was one of the first to arrive, so we invited him together with the early arrivals to dinner at Club Filipino. When I met him at the front steps of the Club, he didn’t only shake my hand; he hugged me tightly like the way the Mexicans execute their abrazos. During the ball he was seen hopping from one table to another, oftentimes hugging brods he knew well. That’s why we could not help but feel after his untimely death that he probably felt it was time to say goodbye. Brod Roy Palacol, writing from Toronto, recalled that he and Brod Tito always greeted themselves as “double brods” being both Betans and Masons. During the ball, they reflected that when they die they would at least be assured of being honored by the last rites of both fraternities that are partly similar. More succinctly, Brod Art de Vera and Brod Pat Escalante shared with us an email that Brod Tito sent to his wife Viching, blind copied to some brods, on June 29, the week before he came home for the Medical Mission and Jubilee celebrations. It was a poem entitled "Remind me to live a life that matters." “Remind me to live a life that matters Ready or not, someday my life will come to an end. There will be no more sunrises, any seconds, minutes, hours or days. All the things I collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will pass on to someone else. Whatever wealth, fame or temporal power I have will shrivel to irrelevance. It will not matter what I owed or what I was owed. My grudges, resentments, frustrations and jealousies will finally disappear. So, too, my hopes, ambitions, plans, and to-do lists will expire. The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away. It won’t matter where I came from, or what side of the track I lived, at the end. It won’t matter whether I was beautiful, or brilliant, or cool. Even my gender and skin color will be irrelevant. So what will matter? How will the value of my days be measured? What will matter is not what I bought, but what I built; not what I got, but what I gave. What will matter is not my success, but my significance. What will matter is not what I learned, but what I taught. What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage, or sacrifice that enriched or empowered others to emulate my example. What will matter is not my competence, but my character. What will matter is not how many people I knew, but how many will feel a lasting loss when I’m gone. What will matter is how long I will be remembered, by whom and for what. Living a life that matters doesn’t happen by accident. It’s not a matter of circumstance, but of choice. Please keep on reminding me to live a life that matters.” It is difficult to continue with this eulogy after words like that, coming from Tito to his wife and shared with some brods. We can only assure him that death will never come to a Beta Sigman because death comes only to those who are forgotten. And we will live to remember Brod Tito’s big heart, high spirits, the strength of his character and the great deeds that we are lucky to share with him. We will remember him for teaching us by words and deeds how to live as true Beta Sigmans. Indeed, he lived a life that mattered. In this spirit, Brod Pio Acampado UPD50, reminds us from Toronto that “death is not an end but a means. A raft. Not the shore. Brod Tito has led his life as Christ’s faithful servant to the last fateful day – he was prepared to meet Him in death in order to be with Him forever.” Brod Pio also quoted Victor Hugo, who spoke these words when he was already more than 80 years old: “I am always rising toward the sky, with the sun shining on my head. The earth provides abundant sap for me, but heaven lights my way to worlds unknown… And the closer I come to the end of my journey, the more clearly I hear immortal symphonies of eternal worlds inviting me to come. It is awe-inspiring yet profoundly simple.” Finally, Brod Winston Acevedo offered an ending to this eulogy by paraphrasing the venerable chief Joseph of the Nez Perce tribe of American Indians when he was surrounded by an insurmountable army of American cavalry that drove his tribe in retreat to the Canadian mountains. He said: “I will fight no more forever; I say; I will cry no more forever for my tears have all dried up in sorrow for the death of a beloved brother.” Amen. ### |